As a senior, just a few short days away from graduation, there are so many things I wish someone would have sat me down and drilled into my brain when I first started college. Now I’m not saying I have any regrets (I have had an epic four years on this campus), but looking at the high school seniors touring for orientation, so many words of advice come to mind.
- Classes do not actually matter. Getting an A+ in freshman math does not get your laid or paid, so therefore, do not waste your time. I know your GPA was important in high school, but as long as you don’t fail and you don’t suck as a person, you can get a job with a 2.8.
- College is for building personality more than building a resume. Having a 4.0 and a list of activities and honors 10 miles long is great, but you are probably really boring and have no fun stories to share when you’re up at 3am with your investment banking analyst class. Make sure you’re the type of person you want to grab a drink with at the end of the four years.
- Go out on the Tuesday, or Sunday, or any day. Never say no. I know this is cliché but the best memories of my time in college are those random nights that I just said yes, and went with the flow. You will find yourself breaking into your old dorm, at a strip club, or watching the sun rise from the roof of your house with a slampiece.
- Go Greek. Seriously. How else are you going to be introduced to 100s of sexy people a night who come over with the full intention of not leaving until the morning? Formals, date parties, theme parties, bar crawls, day parties, and all the best events happen when letters are involved. No one starts a good story with “this one time, when I was hanging out with the same 6 people I see every weekend…”
- Make friends with the opposite sex. Yeah I know you want to get inside every girl or get railed by every guy, but honestly its important to make some actual friendships that don’t involve condoms and humping. Sunday morning brunch downtown is only fun when you can share it with some great buddies. Don’t make your life awkward 24/7 by hooking up with everyone. Trust me, you’ll run out of friends by senior year, and the bars will be one uncomfortable encounter after the next.
- Spend money. Go out to eat, buy the next round, and show up to the party with a bottle in hand. You’ll make money after senior year so rack up some debt. Don’t get your undies in a bunch over splitting every bill or tracking down all the times you gave a friend 5 bucks. If you had a great time, fucking forget it. The memories are more important than your bank balance.
- Go on a crazy spring break. Everyone needs one or two of these in their lives, and it only happens in college. Boobs, tequila, pools, ocean, and clubs. I shouldn’t have to convince anyone of this.
- Live in a house with your best friends senior year. Porch parties, roof beers, tailgates, everything is more fun when you have your own house to destroy. Don’t worry about cleaning or picking up, just have a great time every day. Learn to cook in the kitchen though; everyone loves a person who can cook.
- Dress up for theme parties. You are not too cool.
- There is some unique event at every school. Do it, and do it up right. You don’t get the chance to wake up at 8am, go to a giant mud party and then cheer on a bunch of people at a bike race outside of college. Remember that college is not real life, so enjoy every drunk minute of it.
- Get to know the bouncers and bar tenders at the best bars. You will no doubt have younger friends that you want to get in with you. Honestly this just can’t hurt anyone. Free drinks are the best flavor.
- Stay in SOME (not all) nights with your friends. Play a dumb game, drink beer, crack up at inside jokes and watch bad movies. You do need these nights, but like driving your slampiece home in the morning, it should only happen once in awhile.
- Take a lot of videos. I know pictures are great, but videos are hilarious the next day.
There are so many more things I wish I could tell any new ungrads, but it really all comes down to enjoying every minute. It is easy to think of the next four years as an eternity, but it isn’t. Remember how fast high school felt by the end of it? It feels like 1/8th of that time when I reflect on college. These friendships are the best you can make, and these are the memories and stories you will tell for the rest of your life (not all the stories…). Take advantage of anything you can, and have the very best time you can imagine. All good things come to an end, make sure you have a reason to be sad when that time comes, and some best friends to lean on.
When we seniors finally throw our caps in the air, remember us and try to make your four years even better (That’s impossible because we are fucking awesome).