Some people are the life of the party. Everyone loves them. Everyone wants to be their friend. And then there are some you just want to punch in the face. It all boils down to two types of drunks: Those who can handle their liquor and those who cannot.
At this point, every single person is saying to themselves “I can handle my liquor.” And to you I say, read on.
On any given night in the bar you will run in to one (or more) annoying drunk. Make sure you aren’t one of them.
Some types of annoying drunks have no gender bias.
- THE DRUNK DIALER / TEXTER / SOCIAL MEDIA LOVER – You’re drunk. You happen to have your phone in your pocket that just so happens to have the number of your ex in it. You hate them. You want them to fall off the planet. You’re so over them and it’s time they know that. So you call them and you leave a 2:15 voicemail telling them this. And then you remember that you can access Facebook on your phone, too. And why wouldn’t we all want to see your drunken updates with all of the spelling errors? Why wouldn’t we want to know every time you have another drink?
- THE PUKER – You drink a lot and you drink it fast. But you’re ok. At least until you’re not. And then you puke. On the floor of the bathroom, in the car, on yourself, in your bed, in your roommate’s bed…while they’re sleeping in it.
- THE DENIER - “I’m totally fine,” you say as you fall off your barstool, run into the wall, and grab onto the random person standing near you to steady yourself. The looks of doubt on the faces of those around you prompt you to reach for another drink just to prove that you can handle more.
- THE SINGER – You yell out, “I love this song,” as you raise your drink in the air and start belting out the words, with complete disregard to those around you. At the especially good parts, you even close your eyes so you can feel the music
- THE LOW STANDARDS DRUNK – You know the kind. And if it’s you, you know the feeling of waking up the morning after all too well with thoughts of “What the hell have I done??” running through your head. This drunk leaves their morals in the bottom of their bottle or shot glass. They start fights, they vandalize, they hook up with random strangers.[divider]
Girls, these are for you. Take note and avoid these at all cost. No one wants to be around these girls.
- THE WOO GIRL - You know the one. She gets a few drinks in her and it begins. “Woooooooooooo!!!” And no doubt there’s a drink raised in the air or fist pumping of some sort. Don’t be this girl. Just don’t.
- THE CENTER OF ATTENTION - You dance on tables, you scream, you use alcohol as a way to prove just how wild, crazy, and uninhibited you are. And just in case we start to forget, you remind us by yelling “OHMIGOD!! I AM SOOOOOO DRUNK!” Yes, we know. You’ve told us already…four times.
- THE EMOTIONAL DRUNK - You start to drink and you get over-emotional and start crying. What’s worse is you lock yourself in the bathroom stall, demanding consolation from your friend, ruining her night in the process. Check the emotional baggage at the door. No one wants to be around the crying drunk girl. [divider]
And don’t think you’re getting off easy, guys. There’s a whole set of annoying drunks special to your gender.
- THE GUY WHO NEEDS TO GET LAID – You’re drunk and you’re horny. You’re grabbing onto every girl that walks by, giving her your best “Hey baby” with every intention of getting in her pants. You’re determined to get laid and every thing you say and do makes that painfully obvious.
- THE COMPETITIVE DRINKER – You’re loud, you’re obnoxious, and you don’t listen to reason. Not only is your drink better than the dude’s beside you, you can drink more than him. You challenge those around you to chugging contests. If you’re this guy, you’re getting on everyone’s nerves.
- THE MEAN DRUNK – You’re drunk and you’re looking for a fight. You’re making nasty comments to the girls in the bar and you’re ready to throw a punch at the first guy that will fight back.
If at any point you’ve found yourself thinking “that could be me,” it may be time for you to re-evaluate your drinking style. We all have bad nights on occasion, but you don’t want to make it a habit. Know your limits. Everyone in the bar will thank you.