Articles by BerkeleyBabe



In my opinion, sexting is necessary. But you’ve gotta know how to do it right. You can’t just be like ‘Send me some pics’ or ‘Heyyyyy, how big is your dick???’ You’ve got to know how to seduce, advance, and go in for the kill. Pretend the person on the other side of your thumbs…


Cupid Wants a Blowie

As Valentine’s Day approaches us, we shant forget its sole motivator, the real reason your man might go out of his way to remember to make a dinner reservation the night before the 14th, or drown you in cheap Russel Stover confections—the almighty beej. Girl, your pretty face is one thing. But your pretty mouth…


Why You're Single

Thought Catalog recently posted a cupcake-stuffed article called “Why You’re Single,” and although it made me feel better about myself, it was a load of emotional horse shit. I could feel the tears dripping out of the horse’s asshole. Here’s why you’re really single. Let’s be real. You haven’t been in a relationship in almost…

lean cuisine

Said No One Ever

“I just love it when go from reading BerkeleyBabe’s shit, and then she just stops writing for awhile because she’s killing shit in fucking grad school. I just love that.” Said no one ever. You get the point. Easy post for some easy slores. And I digress. I apologize for abandoning you like welfare children,…


The Female Fuck-it List

Everyone wants to do stupid shit before they die. Like jump off a bridge or shave an alpaca or hate-fart on Lindsay Lohan’s face. Or all three. Your bucket list is like a Picasso painting—it looks like shit and you probably just scribbled what looks like pubes, but if you actually finish it then odds…