Homeward Bound: Practical Advice From A Post Grad
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Oregon fans are doing it right.
Dear Teacher Evaluation Forms
The best party weekends all have similar recipes. They start with waking up with the sun and grabbing the first bottle or can your sleepy eyes set sites on. Kegs and eggs, mimosas made with about 90% champagne and 10% orange juice (that shits expensive), and music blasting through the speakers are universal. Whether there is a main event that afternoon or the only thing to look forward to is more drinking, here are many universities that have these parties to help finish the year off right.
As New Years closes in, guys and girls alike are searching for that perfect kiss at midnight. The qualifications aren’t exactly the same though…
Wanted: A set of parents who understand what it is like to be in college, and support me in all my collegiate glory.
Mom and Dad, this is the time you have to step your game up and plan a sweet vacation. Snowboarding in Colorado, beach bumming in Key West, whatever. Get us the hell out of the house before we kill each other. Whether in hot tubs or strolling in the surf, the more girls in bikinis the better. Just make sure you get me my own room, I can’t put my sex life on hold just because grandma is on a trip with us.
You want to occupy me with your dick. Let me repeat that – you want to occupy ME, with YOUR dick. My vagina = my rules. I don’t know where your sorry excuse of a penis has been, and I don’t want it anywhere near me unless it’s wrapped up. If you’re going to whine about putting a condom on, you can shut your mouth and gtfo, because I didn’t invite you over to hear you talk.
Listen, the girl I marry can have all the morals she wants, but it is not acceptable to pull the ‘lets wait,’ or ‘not until we’re in love’ or ‘can I at least know your last name’ bullcrap. Knock boots or get walking.
Objective: Need a smart kid in need of cash to take my finals for me this semester.
I would like a fine gentleman to accompany me to my holiday family parties.
I need a classy chick to come to my house this winter break and make me look like a respectable son.
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