In a continued effort to help you relive your youth, at hopefully somewhere around 70 proof, here is another childhood favorite revamped for your alcoholic lifestyle. Below are some great new rules for a childhood classic. It will help you ease the pain from knowing that you only have four years left of complete irresponsibility during your outrageous #collegetownlife.
I won’t bother explaining the rules of the actual game, as I’d like to think you clowns a) had a childhood, and b) can read at a first grade level. Regardless, the game is played the same, with the exception of a couple of rules to get that B.A.C. up and inhibitions lower than the stock market. Here is Drunken Candy Land:
– Blue Squares – Bros Drink
– Purple Squares – Hoes Drink
– Rainbow Slide – Waterfall all the way to the pot of gold (aka: your liver)
– Land on a square that’s the color of your piece – Drink
– Black Dots – You’re stuck, do it King’s Cup style and allow everyone to pour some of their drink into yours, after everyone’s contributed drink up. #suckstosuck
– Princess Lolly – Social, everyone drinks… to Lolly’s rack!
– Gramma Nut – Visiting Grandma’s house, eh? Take a seat on the person to the right’s lap. Just like when you went and visited Nana except drunker, without any cookies, and in fear of a boner.
– Gloppy – Never Have I Ever, but to honor Gloppy’s probably fantastic fellatio skills (I mean, look at how it licks that lollipop… Gloppy gets down), start with who you’ve never hooked up with in the room. This is guaranteed to bring up some awkward hook ups, and if the vodka’s been adequately flowing, maybe even some hot encores.
– Pass Another Player – Truth or Dare, and you’re obviously not going to make it something alcohol related. Can you say body shots?
– Win – Everyone else has to finish their drinks: and no worries, you can drink up too for dominating. Hell, take someone else’s drink as well, you deserve it champ.
These are all, but a few exceptions, on how to get the booze flowing. Feel free to mix up the different rules to ensure the highest level of drunkenness for your particular get-together. It is, after all, your party (and booze), so you can do whatever you want. Comment below if you have any other good rules/suggestions: you know what they say, the sluttier the rules the merrier the game. Crack open that old gaudy board game, don’t worry about what color piece you get (you’re getting drunk either way), and get excited to get #shwasted to Drunken Candy Land.