Well ladies, was all that sitting around on your ass drinking beer and eating cheeseburgers this winter worth it? Now that it is spring, we’re all thinking f*ck no, it was never worth it. One of the reasons we all hate this seasons is thatwe realize how huge we are and that if we don’t start scarfing salads and hitting the gym, the only summer action we’ll see is with a box of Franzia and a nice slice of chocolate cake. Just thinking about laying on the beach makes me want to crack open a Keystone, but it’s time to work that willpower and just say no to week drinking. Obviously no one is going to give up weekend partying, I’m pretty sure that’s against the rules of college. However, if you wanna have a bangin’ hot bod by the time spring break rolls around, you should probably cut back on margarita Mondays, tequila Tuesdays, wastey-face Wednesdays, and Thirsty Thursdays—at least until summer arrives.
Now that we’ve said goodbye to week drinking for a month, it’s time to become best friends with the treadmill. I’ve been an avid gym-goer for at least 2 months now (Impressive, right?) and I can tell you that walking on the treadmill for 15 minutes is going to get you nowhere. These bitches who come to the gym and think they can work that elliptical for ten minutes and get any kind of fit are just wasting their time. If you’re going to hop on that stair master, you may as well go ahead and crank the resistance up, clear at least 30 minutes out of your schedule, and get ready to do some heavy sweating. Trust me, if you can’t put the time in you may as well just go grab another order of McNuggets and give up your dreams of ever getting laid.
Is it boring? Yes. Is it exhausting? Yes. Is it worth it so you can achieve the perfect, semi-slutty pictures of yourself in your bikini on the beach? Hell Yes!
And remember, after you’re done at the gym, don’t ruin all that hard work with an oder of fries. Just go ahead and grab yourself a hearty head of lettuce—you better gear up after the best week of your drunk, college life. Happy spring break, bitches!