I’m not the kind of person who likes to admit they have a type. But if you’re black, six-foot whatever, and throw the pig-skin for a living… then you’re my type. Tattoos are a bonus, especially since I get a huge she-boner when your biceps have some vague statement plastered all over you in shitty cursive.
Okay, so a majority of the general population shits on the snowbunnies for being the most infamous of the Jersey Chasers. And if you don’t know what that means, try UrbanDictionary. What I’m trying to say is that I refuse to be the 99%–of people that shit on the snowbunnies. Although I fail to fit that demographic, I still understand and commend the reasons why these bitches enjoy fucking guys who play football. Or basketball. Or any D1 sport.
Number One: While the rest of us are trapped in the mindset of how the hell we’re going to cheat our way towards a Bachelor’s Degree, it’s refreshing to prey on the guys who eat, sleep, and dream nothing but the sport they play. It’s damn sexy. Odds are the guys that are more concerned about how much they bench press over how they scored on a midterm, aren’t going to be concerned about the amount of intelligence I really don’t have. All they’re concerned about is…
Number Two: Some yummy Fuck Food, in the words of Tech N9ne. Athletes tend to be way more demonic in the sack. Why? Because they’re cocky as shit and know what they’re capable of. I can only imagine them hearing nothing but their coaches’ voices while pounding the hell out of you. HARDER! FASTER! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT! And if you’re like this bitch, then you’re not one to settle for some D-Grade smashing. I want some crazy-passionate-angry-hate sex, which to this day I’ve only been able to attain through guys who sport giant numbers on the back of their jerseys. Can you blame me? That’s what I thought. So STFU.
Number Three: With the exception of a few golden eggs, athletes don’t generally prioritize education over their D1 scholarships–as it should be. So because of that, these guys are even sexier with attitudes that pack nothing but their lack of fucks to give. They know they’re the shit, and don’t need an A in Stats 2 to prove it. That’s what I’m here for
Number Four: Athletes are the elite of college life. Nothing has changed since high school. Don’t lie, bitch. You know you want to fuck the quarterback.
Jersey-Chasing is not a crime. They’re sexy, they’re sweet, they’re hilarious, and they major in Football with a minor in The Kind Of Sex You Saw In The Notebook