pda fail

The 'Kill Count'

Common situations in today’s society there is a social stigma with the male vs. female kill-count double standards. Typically as men get more notches on their belts they become more legen… wait for it… and I hope you’re not lactose intolerant… DARY! While as the ladies get more kills they become… well they become sluts. Here’s a breakdown.

Males:

0 kills = how the hell did you manage that? You know there are alley walkers that can help you with this, right?

1 kill = good job man, you’ve stepped up and gotten a kill under your belt. Achievement unlocked: life begins.

2-5 = you’re coasting along now. People actually respect you.

6-10 = holy shit dude. You’re pretty bad ass now.

11+ = LEGENDARY. A man among men. You can now wield Thor’s Hammer.

Females:

0 kills = innocent girl here, BE CAREFUL.

1 kill = proceed with caution.

2-5 = this girl is comfortable with her sexuality. Target acquired.

6-10 = she’s starting to loosen up a bit down there, almost not worth it but still okay (only on a dry spell, of course)

11+ = ABSOLUTE SLUT. We’ve got a bicycle on our hands here. Who threw the hotdog down the hallway?

In college it should not matter, everyone’s plans are to get drunk and have fun. Sex is great, I know it, you know it, little Jimmy down the street knows it, everyone knows it. I do not care how many kills you have, but if you have no kills, that’s a little problem.

It should not matter how much a girl has had sex, that’s the thing. Life is supposed to be fun and we should embrace it while you can; For 4 years before you hit the big world. Even if you are one of those people who are ‘holding out for the special someone’ go for it, power to you.

In all honesty, the models should be the exact same, either dudes become the biggest douche rockets ever as they have sex and go through women, or on a positive note as women go through guys they become more and more awesome. – Unless they’re dirty, but who really gets to decide that for someone. Like the girl who doesn’t shower, or the community bike; your call.

All in all, have fun, enjoy life, and hold your head up high; there’s always someone who has it worse than you. The kill-count, number system, whatever you call it should be the least of your worries. Seize the day.

 


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