Things I Have Learned in College:
1) Don’t buy the book.
2) If you want to know if you gained weight (you did,) ask your mom. She is the only person that will tell you. Also, try a mirror.
3) He is not allergic to condoms.
4) It is not stealing if you ask the Krauzer’s clerk very politely if you can eat the premade sub without paying for it.
5) Fireball whiskey tastes good until you wake up and do not remember what Fireball whiskey is.
6) “Study dates”- the modern man’s way of saying “ I would enjoy engaging in sexual intercourse with you after a brief glance at the chapter summary.”
7) Always ask if there is Robitussin in the jungle juice pre-jungle juice consumption
9) Put a little mascara on if you’re going to the diner on Sunday- he will be there.
10) Do not be afraid to use tears as a strategy for lenience when you sleep through a midterm.
11) He is still not allergic to condoms.
12) It is noon on a football Saturday and you are still sober? Who raised you?
13) It’s cheaper if you get the whole pie.
14) October is the skinniest time period of a college girl’s life. Choose wisely.
15) She has done this before.
16) Toilet is always first option, then tub, and then sink.
17) Happy HOUR..as in one singular hour. When you surpass the hour things go very wrong.
18) Click save every now and then.
19) Deleting the number will not stop you from texting him/her.
20) If he really is allergic, they make woolskin condoms.