No Pants, Kind of A Problem

In College, CTL, Opinions, Sex & Dating by carterbarrowsLeave a Comment

One of the biggest discoveries/controversies of our time is the Theory of Evolution, which states that every being on Earth evolved from a common ancestor. However with this theory, no one has yet to find the missing link between humans and other species. But see, world of science, the missing link has actually been under your nose this whole time, like a hunch punch mustache your friends don’t want to point out to you and you have to discover in pictures on facebook the next morning. The missing link between humans and apes may still be lost in the ground, but the missing link between humans and polar bears actually can be found in downtown Athens every weekend in winter…

They’re called the eski-hoes, they’re the girls who somehow have the ability to outdo mother nature’s wrath of winter and wear short skirts and tanktops when they go out, spending hours getting ready only to ignore every guy who tries to talk to them that night.
My only conclusion about how natural selection has not yet left this species frozen in their sky high stillettos is that secretly, they have a layer of inner insulation that absorbs poor bar lighting and vodka-crans and converts them into heat, as if they’re wearing their ed hardy boots with the fur 24/7 instead of wet seal stripper heels. What other species has this? Polar bear. I mean, how has no one else seen this before. There’s no way that their 2% body fat or poorly extended hair is doing anything to protect them from the wind. For goodness sakes I’m in fur and my lips are as blue as their “natural looking” eyeshadow. Ladies, if your legs are more covered in goose bumps then you are in clothing, you should probably invest in a pair of jeans. Or just leggings that look like jeans, because I’m assuming you’re skanky and like showing off every crevice on your body. In that case, just go ahead and buy those extra smalls girlfriend,cuz nothing says buy me drinks all night quite like fabric so fitted it’s become another layer of skin.

These eski hoes were all over the place last night as we celebrated my bestie Josie’s burffday. However, the birthday girl still had more attention from the boys than they did, probably because she’s hawt even in sensible clothing, and doesn’t need to wear a dress so tight it looks like she couldn’t afford clothing and just wrapped her upper body in duct tape. I hope she had a wonderful time and is feeling so awake and alert this morning! Muah!!