Homeward Bound: Practical Advice From A Post Grad
Procrastinate, Cheat, Succeed
Halloween Sluts: Decoded
Oregon fans are doing it right.
Dear Teacher Evaluation Forms
Unfortunately, there are no sure-fire “cures” to this problem that won’t land you with an aggravated assault or first-degree murder charge. No amount of stem cells or antibiotics can fix these fools, so the rest of the student body is left to spend each lecture quietly praying for a chainsaw to drop from the sky.
College chicks are younger, hotter, more optimistic, more open minded and more fun. Older chicks are crazier, uglier, more depressed, more warn down and more prone to try and murder you for not wanting to marry them. I choose the former. Some of you might be asking yourselves, “Is this guy just randomly visiting college campuses all over America to try and pick up chicks?”. I wish, but no.
It’s the era none of us are proud of. It’s the era of liquid eyeliner, Roxy visors, and Axe body spray. It’s hands down the only other era we’ve been more socially unstable than we are in college. Aside from the practicalities that we’ll never use like making pretzels in Hom-Ec and doorstops in Woodshop, middle school taught us how to really embarrass the hell out of ourselves out of sexual curiosity and the sudden realization that: wait, there’s actually more to life than Nickelodeon and a 9pm bedtime.
Middle school was one bumpy, throbbing, hormonal road full of tacky clothes and gel pens. But it was also the first time that life itself told the world, ‘Got another fresh, innocent batch for you. F them up. Defile them, corrupt them… just f*ck them up.’
Here’s what we learned.
Have you ever looked back at that one particular ex and wondered if you were drunk during the entire relationship? Unfortunately life is a series of phases—some we’re more proud of than others. Even more unfortunately, we’ve all had that one phase where, for some god-forsaken reason, we decided to fall hard and clumsy for a complete asshole.
How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by Regina George? If you haven’t seen Mean Girls, it’s going to be really tempting to ask you where the hell you’ve been these last eight years. If you haven’t seen mean girls more than twice, it’s going to be really tempting to ask what the hell you’ve been doing with your life. Undoubtedly the female mantra of our generation, Mean Girls is the ultimate quotable safe haven when articulating just exactly what we’re trying to get across in any—and I mean any—situation.