The Frantic Fake I.D. Search

In CTL, Drinking, Stories by errrmarLeave a Comment

“Teen drinking, is very bad. Yo, I got a fake i.d. though”
– One hit rap star wonder Jkwon’s 2004 classic, Tipsy

 College socializing occurs in a variety of places with plenty of people. Frat houses, town houses, sororities, dorms, private houses, and of course – clubs and bars. While on and off campus parties are popular for the first two years, by junior year, the wave of 21st birthday rolls in, and as your friends go out and get boozed up in the local townie bar, you realize it’s time to scrounge and search for the coveted fake form of identification so you can go out and frolic with them.

My freshman year, I was a wide-eyed, naïve freshman with plenty of senior friends who I would play designated driver to each weekend, carting their drunk asses to and from the local hub of hot spots. Other freshman didn’t go out, and I figured I didn’t need to either. That was until I got the opportunity of a lifetime. A friend of a friend went to school with a kid who was producing i.d’s. What did I have to do? Take and email a picture of myself, some of my info, my signature, and mail ninety dollars in a birthday card to a random address out on Long Island, for safety measures, obviously. Now, if you’re an upper classman or out of college, you’ll know that 90 dollars is incredibly reasonable for an i.d. Also, if you are reading this, you realize that the whole process sounds absolutely absurd. It was. But then again, so was everything else freshman year. I mean retrospectively, YOLO.

Two weeks later, I was gifted with a brand spanking new, New York license. My name, my picture, and my best friends address (also, this was stupid, we swapped addresses instead of making up a fake one). The i.d. even had that fake hologram that is ingrained in each NY license.

I.D. in hand and with only the highest hopes, my other freshman friend and I hit the bars with the big boy seniors – and it worked! Weekend after weekend, again, again, and again! We were highly illegal, and highly loving it. That summer we lived in the bar, and nothing could bring us down.
Until we went to a legit bar (the bars we went to were not strict), and got our i.d.’s taken away in the middle of sophomore year. For shame.

Since that dark day, I have been hunting for a new i.d, and resorted to new methods to get into the bars. I’m a pro, and am finally going to be legal in a few short days! Here’s a few tips on how to end the curse of sobriety while underage.

1. Get to Dopple Ganger Status – The absolute best choice for getting into bars is to get an i.d. from an older friend. Bonus points if you match their eye color, hair color, and height. Usually, is you resemble the person in the slightest bit, you’ll be good. My one friend used an i.d. and the girls name was , “Katherine Beer”. Talk about the irony. I was never able to implement this method for one reason: ginger. Although I love my red hair and litter of freckles all over my face, it’s rare to find another as myself.

2. Buy a fake i.d. – Tons of people go to the city and hit up seedy back-door producers of i.d.’s. If you don’t feel like your safety is threatened, there’s always online alternatives! I hear i.d. chief has a great 2 for 1 special…

**Note –  No, you are not McLovin, an organ donor from Hawaii. Don’t pull that shit.**

3. Resort to whatever you have to – On plenty of occasions, I’ll go to the bar early for “dinner”, which entails me sitting there for 3 hours waiting for everyone to come out and get wasted with them. My favorite alternative? You or a friend should see/bribe the bouncer. Prostitution only deals with money, this is just a business transaction.

So there you have it folks, 3 ways to wiggle your way to the bar scene when your underage. Good luck, and don’t worry, you’ll be legal before you know it!