rave

The People of EDM

As EDM (Electronic Dance Music) continues sweeping the mainstream music scene and our nation, there has been a growing interest in the ‘rave’ scene.  This can range from some shitty DJ spinning today’s top hits at your local campus bar to the rage fests that they call events such as EDC (Tomorrowland for our foreign readers).  With the ever growing popularity of this genre, music festivals are running rampant among college students as one our favorite events.  What’s better than being in a different city with 20,000 of your closest friends on so many different substances that Charlie Sheen would be proud to call you a peer? The answer you’re looking for is ‘nothing’, ladies and gents.  And with the nature of the beast that are these festivals and shows, come the characters involved with such shenanigans.  Although this isn’t an exhaustive list, these are the rave-goers I think, nay, know, you will come across when attend these events.

The guy who got dragged to the show – As the lyrical genius The Game once said, ‘they don’t want none.’ This person either got talked into this by a sibling or didn’t wanna feel like the loaner for once and got drug to this show.  EDM is a concept foreign to this person and they don’t know if they should dance or go outside because the fire alarm is going off.  If they don’t up and leave completely, you can usually find this person outside the venue ripping down cigs like a 16 year old at lunch.

The shirt-off guy – I say guy but they’re like chips: can’t just have one.  These dope-ass brah’s have usually waxed their body clean and hit the GTL cycle quite a bit before this event in preparation for their big day of no-shirt wearing.  We get it, you have sweet pecs, now can you get back to your life on the Jersey shore so I can rage in peace.

The Rave-Fairy – THIS is the person you want in your corner heading into a show, especially if there are multiple acts spanning a long time frame.  You need water? She’s got it.  Someone to hold the molly? Boom.  If she’s a real boss, she’ll probably even share her gum and Burt’s Bees with you.  Aside from making power moves all night, she’s most likely going to look the part as well and, if you’re lucky, let you put her on your shoulders.  Don’t fuck this one up.

The Too-F*cked up, Sweaty guy (girl) – The guy, or girl, in question is a notorious raver.  They’ve been giggin’ so hard all night most bodily functions aren’t under their control anymore.  Classic signs include but are not limited to: eyes rolled in the back of the head, sweat-soaked clothes and a general disregard for any and all hygiene.

Light up fingers guy – This guy gets his jolly’s off of making people on drugs go, ‘woahhh.’  You impressed someone who isn’t in his or her right mind? Congrats! In their defense, these guys are pretty entertaining when you’re messed up and certainly serve a purpose.  Just try not to get sucked into the light like the other 5 foot radius of people have and you’ll be okay.

The ‘I like accessories’ girl – Neon paint everywhere, flower headbands, enough bracelets to outfit her entire sorority, more lights than Cowboys Stadium.. you get the picture.  Although most of her attire will be questioned and then taken from her at the security check, this girl is determined to make an impression.  Rave on, little raver.

The girl with her tall ass boyfriend – One of the negatives of these shows is that being average height can bite you in the ass. Luckily I’m not but for those that are roughly nine times out of ten you will get stuck behind this tall asshole.  If you do find yourself in this unfortunate place don’t stress because position changes are frequent in this massive wave of drug induced people.  And if that doesn’t work, go for the knees.  Big tree fall hard.

Glasses: No lenses – This one is pretty self-explanatory: Mac Dre, Thizz, etc.

The Veterans – These young go-hards have the music festival down to an exact science.  Their ability to sneak in and intake illicit substances is second to none. If you follow these guys from act to act throughout the night you’re guaranteed a wild time.  From their swaggerhound ways with women to their ability to start adlib group dance parties, you always want a couple of these guys in your corner.

If you don’t find any of these stereotypes to fit your personality then you’re probably a moderate fan of EDM who will have a decent time at these shows aka you don’t know what the hell you’re doing and you should learn to rage harder.  For those of you who have attended these shows you know that the afore mentioned people are the salt of the earth, or rather the rave scene, and should be treated as such.  If you haven’t made it out to an EDM concert yet for any reason ranging from general distaste of the music to the sometimes-expensive ticket price, I highly encourage you to give it a try.  I guarantee your mind will be blown and if it isn’t, well myself and the rest of the people on this list don’t want you there anyway.

 


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