Welp, It’s been a year. You saw last years show and damn near decided to shave the fat off you with a straight razor just to rock a bod like Erin Heatherton.
- Did you go to the gym religiously?
- Did you stop eating a full order of Domino’s after a few power hours and drink special at Tick Tock Tuesdays?
- Did even buy running shoes?
If you answered “No” to any of those questions, congrats… you’re a miserable human. Drink to that. And call me next time you decide to house a 5-5-5 deal.
I don’t know what I love more about the Victoria Secret Fashion Show: The show itself, or the amount of girls who decide its the right time to be “proud of their curves” publicly on facebook. Seriously? No girl watches this event and says “Nah… I’m all set looking like that.” Body image mental problems aside… I would murder to say my job duties involved “walking up and down a stage in underwear.” So, curve loving people… I’ll buy your horse shit for 4 seconds… but at the end of the day you can’t tell me being a Victoria Secret model wouldn’t be the absolute tits (pun intended).
And who could forget about the million dollar bra? That doesn’t seem pointless or anything. There are kids in the world who can’t get their hands on a piece of bread but forget them I guess. We have an article of clothing that is worth more than most people make in a lifetime. Go fashion industry! Thanks for doing your part to make the world a better place. Anyways, to enhance the experience for ya, I devised this little “knock you off your designer socks” drinking game.
Girls and Guys Drink
- If a model falls – laugh for about 30 minutes and then shotgun a beer as a group (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JICRtY-epH4)
- Chug a beer at the end of each performance
- Chug a beer if they kept the Indian Head dress outfit in the show that Native Americans got all up in arms about.
- With each new model, guess her cup size and drink until you get to that letter in the alphabet
- Every time they cut from the fashion show to behind the scenes footage – chug your drink…you’re going to have to listen to them talk
- Finish your drink every time a new musical act comes on
- If Biebs gets flirtatious with any of the models – Drink
- Drink a glass of wine to kick off the show – You’re gonna need a mellow base to make sure those jealous rages don’t take over
- Take a sip every time you THINK what the model looks like naked.
- Take a sip every time you look in a mirror and die a little inside.
- Take a sip if you decide you’re going to Victoria Secret the next day and updating your undergarments.
- Take a sip if you start going through social media’s and deleting your selfies.
- Take a sip every time your boyfriend ignores your questions of “Do you think she’s pretty?” “Do you wish I had a body like that?” “Would you have sex with her?” (Answers: Yes. Yes. Yes – and twice on Sunday after going to church with you and your family.)
- Every time you or a friend tries to convince yourselves that you are almost as attractive as some of the models – Drink
- Every time you tell yourself beauty is only skin deep – Drink
- If at any point throughout the show you convince yourself you’re going to start working out more – Drink…and eat a donut
- If you own a pair of underwear one of the models is wearing – Drink
- If you are wearing them – Show everyone in the room and chug your drink
- If you have bi-sexual thoughts at any point throughout the show – Drink
- If you happen to be watching with a friend who is a “model” – Drink and ask her why she didn’t get picked up to do the show
- Once the million dollar bra goes on display – Shotgun/chug a beer as a group
- If at any point you find yourself attracted to Justin Bieber – Chug your drink
- Take a sip and eat a cookie every time you wonder if your gym membership you got after last years is expired.
- Take 5 sips if you decide to google other images of the models because “They can’t actually look like that.”
- Take a shot if this is the year you decide to take a gym membership and diet more serious. No, really… this is the year… really… I promise. I swear.
Buzz Words/Phrases (drink when you here these from your friends)
- “She’s not that hot”
- “My legs kind of look like that”
- “We’re like identical twins”
- “Thanks for nothing Mom and Dad”
- “Those hips couldn’t support a family”
- “Fashion is so important”
- Take a sip if you kindaaaaa wish you were Justin Bieber during this award show.
- Pour one out for him because he slipped it in a VS Fashion model right after breaking up with Selena Gomez, and then got back with Selena Gomez.
- Take a sip every time you need to hand your girlfriend a tissue to wipe hear tears away.
- Take a sip every time you want to hit the gym because, lets be honest, VS fashion models don’t date fatties.
- Take a sip if you decide to not have sex that night because there’s no chance she’s going to be a VS Fashion model.
- Take a sip if Rihanna terrifies you.
- Take a sip if one of the models wears a goofy hat that totally ruins whatever she’s wearing.
- Take a shot and eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in some girls face just because you can.
- Every time you find yourself getting frustrated at the thought that you will never have sex with anyone 1/10th as hot as the girls you see – Drink
- Every time one of your friends tries to change the channel (not during a commercial) to check the score of the game – Drink. Then punch him in the dick and pour whats left in your cup over his head. Sex > Sports
- Every time a model winks at the camera – Drink (she’s totally winking at you)
- Every time you consider breaking up with your girlfriend because she just doesn’t seem to meet your expectations anymore – Chug your drink and give her a call
- Every time you have to think about your Grandma to prevent an awkward erection – Drink until the thought of her cankles leaves your mind
- Once the show is over, finish whatever you have left in your cup and head directly to the bars. Everyone’s self-confidence will be really low so you can probably get some.
Buzz Words/Phrases (drink when you here these from your friends)
- “I’d bang her” and/or “I’d tap that”
- “Daddy like”
- - (Caveman Grunt)
- “Owwww owwwww!”
- - “Damnit…I just came”
Social Media Rules
- Take a sip everytime time you see a Facebook post about “going to the gym”, “dieting”, or suicidal tendencies wanting that body. (ex. “I would take my own life for that stomach.”)
- Take a sip every time you read on twitter a comment about the actual clothing. (ex. OMG luv dat bra!)
- Take 2 sips if the clothing comment is followed by publicly shaming themselves. (ex. OMG luv dat bra! Too bad I don’t have boobs #fml)
- Take a sip if you notice a steady decline of selfies on instagram.
- Chug a beer if your friend gets inspired to throw a selfie in their underwear out of protest. Take a sip for everyone that comments telling them they’re fuckin’ up.
- Chug a beer if someone still has myspace. End yourself if that person is you. It’s 2012, get a clue.
- Take a sip every time someone of FB post how proud they are of their own body.
- Take a sip every time you see a guy post about how awesome it is being a guy and watching this show wont make them change their diet in any way.
- Take a sip for every retweet of a famous person talking about the VSFS.
- Eat a cookie for every time you agree on facebook with someone you’re going to start going to the gym. Fatty.
Do you think they have support groups for people after the fashion show? I mean… they must.
Don’t drink responsibly!
By: Sterling McClean and Jeremy Pinsley