Wanted: The Perfect New Years Eve Kiss

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Wanted (Male POV)

Objective

Ok obviously I don’t really care about the midnight kiss, I’m more interested in the after midnight bangarang.

Requirements

Being Hot

This should be simply, ladies, but amazingly there are still so many not hot girls are there. It’s called a salad, put down your big mac and look for one. Get a dress that shows off what guys care about, the three B’s. Boobs, Butt, and More Boobs. Slap on some heels and we got a deal. Make sure you make my friends do a double take.

Being Down

This is basically for whatever. I don’t know the details of our plans for NYE. I’m not a camp director. Be down for wherever the night takes us. If that’s a sick club in Cali or my friends’ lake house basement, you should still have a great time. There will be me, plus alcohol, which equals fun. Also be down for wherever the bedroom takes us. New Year, new experiences right? I’ll try anything once.

Chilling The Hell Out

Listen, we aren’t starring in a cute classic romantic comedy. I’m not going to take you up to the top of the empire state building and kiss you like some black and white movie star. I don’t give a crap about how this was planned in your head. It’s just another party ending in smashing face with some hot girl… I don’t see how this is different than every other party. So relax and I’ll make sure we have a good time together. Or at least I will have a good time.

Skills/Abilities

  • Get along with my friends. If I’m bringing a girl to our bro years eve, you need to be a cool girl. Dates generally slow us down, so make sure you can keep up or I’ll just ditch you at the first chance.
  • Not crying. Ever.
  • When we makeout I would like a little subtle cock grab. Please and thank you.
  • Make sure you can handle your champagne. On this night especially I will not be taking care of “OMGIGOTPUKEINMYHAIR” because seriously, I don’t care.
  • You’re out with me, not your girlfriends. So be able to leave them and keep me as your focus. I am forced to buy all your drinks so really it’s the least you can do.
  • Be a great kisser. I don’t want to kiss a half passed out girl with lips like a dead bass. I’ll go find a more conscious girl to improve my chances of getting some tonight.
  • We don’t have to wait till midnight to kiss, better yet throw me in the coat closet at 10 oclock and let’s get weird.
  • Don’t flirt or hook up with my friends. The bro code tends to go out the window after the fourth bottle of champagne so it’s mostly up to you. Don’t be that girl, or expect to be Eiffel towered later.
  • Remember even though I was your first kiss of 2012, don’t expect me to be there for your last kiss of 2012. We’re in college and we’re partying. This is not marriage.

If interested, submit measurements and validation you’re over 18.

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Wanted (Female POV)

Objective

Have a kiss at midnight I can brag to my friends about for years to come

Requirements

A new location

This kiss should be in a place I’ve never been before, and this place should be awesome. Balcony of a mountain lodge in Vail, Times Square in NY, or while standing up through the sunroof of a limo while cruising around LA are all good options. Please reference any classic rom coms for other ideas.

A hot guy

I can’t brag to my friends about kissing a guy who looks like a foot. I need a guy with nice clothes, nice eyes and a great smile. Add in a big package and we have a deal. The more mysterious or surprising you are the better, it will add more excitement to the story. My friends will never see it coming.

The Best Kisser

I don’t want to kiss a bird, pecking at my face, or a lizard thrusting his tongue in and out of my mouth. You know who you are guys. I want a Hollywood classic kiss, dip included of course. The crowd will part, the music will swell, you will swell…

You get the idea.

Make it happen at midnight or I wont make anything happen after we get back to the hotel.

Skills/Abilities

  • Make the night fun. You could be the most attractive and charming guy but if you can’t make me laugh, I’m on to the next date option. Wait, did you seriously think I only had one date lined up for this night?
  • Show me off like the princess I am. If we decide to go out with your friends, don’t ignore me or leave me out of the conversation. I should be the center of the conversation. Oh my dress? My personal shopper picked it for me at Bloomingdales. Thanks I know.
  • Keep my glass of champagne full. It shouldn’t take a bottle and a half to make me want to kiss you at midnight, but it never hurts.
  • Make sure your teeth are clean and your breath doesn’t smell like the shrimp cocktail you’ve been inhaling all night. It’s called Altoids, look it up.
  • Have a post-party plan. If I actually like you, the night shouldn’t end at  12:15am. Get the hotel room or the guesthouse and I’ll make it worth your while.
  • Most of all, remember. This is me, deciding to spend my time with you. If you’re not making the culminating event memorable (in a good way) then what the hell are you wasting my time for? Not every girl can be lucky enough to spend the night with her dream man, so if a substitute in necessary try to the best you can be.

If interested, please drop off a bottle of Dom and your dental records.

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About


  • Caliswag

    Slut,

    Clearly your expectations are simply out of whack.  NYE kisses are simply the precursor to NYE epic fuck fests.  I’m bustin out my glow-in-the-dark condoms so the UV lights in the limo I paid for are worth the money, so you better be putting out in between the first and second pregames as well as the next 3 bars’ bathrooms.   Guy on the left has it right – I’m gonna be too drunk to predict where our location will be when the clock strikes midnight, so just be happy I remember your name begins with a consonant.  Perfect location, perfect moment, perfect kiss?  The only “L” word you should expect to hear that night ends in “ube.”  

    Side-note; I’ve been watching the Rose Bowl parade every year on 1/1 since I was old enough to hate the Big 10 – this is the appropriate time for the perfect New Year’s Day Blowjob