Facebook stalking, let’s be honest, we’ve all done it. It’s become quite the norm for our generation, and people that deny doing it are completely full of crap. The first impressions you make on Facebook have become just as important as those you make in person. As you aimlessly click through a person’s pictures and browse their friends list, here are some key things that you should make note of.
The lack of friends dude
If a guy has under 300 facebook friends, it could have a multitude of meanings. He might just not use his facebook often, which makes you wonder what he does in his free time. Why does he need a computer if he doesn’t use facebook? Does he spend a lot of time masturbating? He could solely use it just for stalking other people, which makes him a huge creep. Or, he could just not have a lot of friends. Any of these situations should be a red flag.
The too many friends dude
I find it very hard to believe that someone actually knows 4,000 people. How in the world did this guy accumulate so many friends? There’s no way that an average person can know this many people. They’re more than likely somewhat famous, which in college terms equates to being on the football or basketball team. If that’s not the case, they are probably promiscuous and have had sex with a large majority of their friends list. Most of the time, it’s a combination of both, and they’re probably just a slutty athlete.
The mirror pictures
Guys- I don’t even know where to begin with this guy. 1. What are you trying to show the world with this picture? Are you trying to show off your muscles? I don’t see them anywhere. 2. What is with the boxers? Are you trying to be patriotic? Was this taken on the 4th of July? 3. Why are you taller than the bathroom door? Is it a miniature bathroom, or are you just freakishly tall? 4. What’s with the serious face? Are you trying to prove how hardcore you are, or are you just severely constipated? Did you get sidetracked on the way to the toilet and pause for this pic? 5. Are your nipples lopsided? Bottom line: if you are shirtless, you’re a tool. If you have a shirt on, you’re a douche. Pretty simple huh?
Girls- 90% of you are spending Friday night alone, so why not get all dressed up and take 30 pictures of yourself in the mirror until you find a sassy pose that makes your boobs look huge and your stomach look flat? Mirror pictures show that you have no friends except your imaginary ones standing in the bathroom with you.
The guy who gets into facebook fights on his wall
Why are you arguing with someone on your wall? Are you really that angry? If I start dating you, are you going to fight with me all the time too? You are a bad person.
The “no one has written on my wall since my birthday” dude
Your birthday was four months ago. Has nothing interesting happened within the past four months? Why do you even have a facebook if your only activity are your 50 facebook friends wishing you a happy birthday once a year?What are you doing with your life? People this boring do not deserve you, let alone your facebook friendship.
The emotional dude
There is so much wrong with this type of person. Why is their status so emo? Why are they posting this on the internet? Shouldn’t you be talking to your therapist about this kind of stuff? If you ever come across this type, they probably will want to talk about their feelings with you every day. It’s not okay, unless you’re into that kind of thing, which is also not okay.
The jean shorts dude
If you ever see something like this on a facebook profile, run.
Best of the Rest
Kissing Your Partner
This is only okay if it is an engagement/wedding picture or artistically framed. However, if you are french kissing your partner for the hell of it on my mini feed you look like a desperate idiot who is trying to show the world “look we are a happy couple. And I think you need to know it!” All you are showing is that you like looking like trailer trash. So be my guest.
Showing that you once were cute, but now you’re ugly as hell.
Plastered with a solo cup
People under 21: This person wants to show the world how cool they are that they access to alcohol.
People over 21: This person is irresponsible and needs AA already.
THIS IS THE MOST DISGUSTING PICTURE OUT THERE. YOU LOOK LIKE A DUMB FIVE YEAR OLD PLAYING WITH MAKEUP FOR THE FIRST TIME. DELETE DELETE DELETE.
Okay, I understand you and your friend were playing around with a camera and some of them turned out wonderful. I also understand you went on a photo-shoot for your senior pictures. That does not mean that for college you need to still have them up. I now can confirm that you only look good when photoshopped.
Rapist, creeper, stalker, etc.[divider]
If you do not have a profile picture described above, chances are that you are in the clear. Now you will think twice about what kind of message you are trying to send out to your “friends”.
By: Jess Maples & CityBetch